u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
