Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
