I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
