yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
