I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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