I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
