So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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