you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
