oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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