If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
