She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
