Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
