I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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