I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
