his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
