giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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