I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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