my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
