Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
