I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize