this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
