that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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