woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
