wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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