im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
