hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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