when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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