Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
