Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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