i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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