that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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