he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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