So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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