All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
