Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
