Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
