between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
