idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
