So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
