I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
