I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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