the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
