The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
