he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
