you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
