I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
