Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
