He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
