I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
