so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
