I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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