you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
