i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
