Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize