I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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