That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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