she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
