I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
