1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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