She said her name was "party"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
