is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize