What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize