Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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