i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
